Notes From the Heart of the
Journey
A
fish cannot drown in water,
A bird does not fall in air.
In the fire of its making,
Gold doesn’t vanish:
The fire brightens.
Each creature God made
Must live in its own true
nature;
How could I resist my nature,
That lives for oneness with God?
In the
potent imagery of her poem, 13th century
mystic Mechthild of Magdeburg speaks to
the heart of the spiritual journey. As
Christian Health Care Professionals, our
aim is to live and work from the heart
of that journey. We know the road is not
easy, but we also know that we don’t
walk it alone.
As
therapists and care-givers, we know that
in understanding and ministering to
others that we are first called to know
our own true nature, and to live it as
honestly as we can. We know that we must
allow God to work deeply in us, to stir
up, cleanse, and cook down the dross of
whatever lies in our past, or
present--that keeps us from the journey.
In the fire of God’s love, things may
heat up, the old self might vanish, but
not the Self of God.
The
specialty group meeting of the
therapists in Denver last October at the
ACT conference spoke to that journey,
and what it means to be a Christian
therapist, a professional, and a servant
of God. Each day, after the morning
talks by presenters Jack Shay who spoke
on the meaning of the Trinity, and Fr.
Bob Sears, on the stages of spiritual
growth, we divided into small circles
for reflection and discussion. At the
center of each of the circles, we placed
a small altar (red linen napkins,
borrowed from the hotel kitchen, a loaf
of bread), and began with a prayer that
God enrich and bless our time together.
We began by sharing something of the
journey that has led (continues to lead)
us to God, and what has led us,
ultimately, to ACT.
In many
of our stories common themes emerged. We
found, for instance, that whether in our
personal or spiritual search we had
experienced times of frustration, and
unknowing; a confusion about, and at the
same time, a longing for God. Some
shared of a desert experience in their
faith; others spoke of how they
encountered God’s healing love, an Oasis
in the midst of a dry time. Some of us
talked of being right in the heart of
the journey yet unsure of where we were
going. One of our beloved ACT elders
summed it up this way: “All I knew was
that the journey was the story, and that
I was being called to live my faith
moment by moment.”
Another
common thread in our sharing was that
the spiritual journey that we are on
isn’t about intellectual knowledge, but
about the heart and what it holds. In
the small groups we talked about the
continued need we experience for
personal housekeeping, so that feelings
we may still carry, of abandonment,
hurt, anger, doubt, and old patterns of
relationship--don’t get carried into the
therapy setting, or into relationship
with God, or into relationships in
general.
Many
recounted how personal pain and loss had
been defining moments in their own
journey. In sum, when it leads to
healing, these experiences can play a
role in shaping our strength and
compassion as Christian health care
professionals. Without some kind of
trouble or crisis, we often don’t remain
humble enough to stay within the Lord’s
reach. A spokesperson for one of the
small groups commented, “Pain persuades
us to be vulnerable.” The common
denominator for us during these times of
shaping--was our faith in the bigger
picture, and our experience of a loving,
very present God.
We
reflected on the need for a more
conscious relationship with the Lord, a
more attentive listening to Spirit as we
work with our respective clients. We
also talked about the various ways we
practice being what speaker Jack Shay
referred to as the “likeness of God” in
relationship to our clients, and to the
people in our lives.
How do we
let God into our life, our practice, and
into the heart of what we do? Some
shared that it had taken time and hard
work to distance from their secular
training. One person commented, “I used
to think the therapy hour was between me
and my client. I had faith in God, but I
kept the Holy Spirit unemployed. Now I
try to get myself out of the way, and
let the real work happen.” Another
shared that when she first began
therapy, she had compassion, but it
wasn’t inspired by the Holy Spirit. “It
wasn’t until I could learn to suffer
with my client, to be with that person
at all levels—that change slowly began
to happen.” More importantly, she found
that she could effectively help her
clients only when she found time for
prayer and solitude.
In
sharing our sense of identity in the
Lord, we found that we had begun to
experience that “we are more than our
tools...and our degrees.” More than just
our professional agenda, or what we have
done or accomplished, our aim is to be
in a more conscious relationship with
God both at a personal level, and in the
therapy setting. We spoke of how we can
be, if we are humble and trusting
enough, the hands, and heart, and the
mind of Christ. Someone said that his
own personal identity (and therapeutic
agenda) had become less and less
important over the years. “The more I
trust that God is the clinician, the
easier my work becomes.” In sum, our
goal is to both be a professional and a
servant; to be both skilled and
confident in what we do, yet as a child
in the Spirit--able to let go, to trust,
and to be open to God’s immense
creativity.
What has
ACT meant to us as a body? What often
brings us together as Christian
therapists is our love of God, our need
of healing, our conviction that when we
come together, a magic begins to happen,
a Grace moves in our midst. Jack Shea
spoke eloquently about the nature of the
Trinity as an essential and dynamic
experience of relationship. The Trinity,
he said, is a movement, a flow of God’s
grace, and when we feel that flow
working in our midst, in our talks, in
our sharing groups, or one-on-one, we
are the body of Christ for one another.
When we join together, when we share,
get nakedly honest, when we pray
together, love and compassion have room
to grow. More than a source of excellent
seminars, and a well of Christian
teaching, ACT is a temenous, a center
where we can rest and be still in the
Lord. “This is my place of refuge and
healing, it’s often the place the Holy
Spirit works deepest in me.” And this,
“I come here for the teachings, and the
fellowship, for rest, and renewal. But
mostly I come to be reminded how much
I’m loved. That I’m never alone in my
work.”
The Body
of Christ, however, has to work through
our humanity. When we don’t agree as a
group, and it happens, when we feel
strongly about something no one else
does, or our thoughts and actions are
seen as different, there may be
conflict. Yet true community, as
reflected in Fr. Bob Sears’ talk, must
respect differentness, and the work of
individuation. We know about this kind
of struggle in ACT, yet the spiritual
journey we experience as Christian
healthcare people reminds us again and
again that we are beginners in the Lord.
We are still learning. In our practice
of being, on a good day, the likeness of
God--for our clients, co-workers, our
friends, and kin, we pray that we can
stay close to the heart of Jesus. When
we can do that, we are, as one person
said in closing the circle, “like dough
that God kneads into bread.” As we
deepen the journey, we become that bread
for one another.
Djohariah Toor, MA, MFT
